Yes, sorry but isn’t it time we dealt with a lot of the workaholism in our world? There is a difference to being totally engaged, loving every minute with what you do and being a workaholic for very flimsy reasons. Being totally committed as well as always available is your prerogative, and I know from many of my clients their self-care and fully 100% away from work time ends up being extremely carefully planned. This is particularly a big issue to deal with if your job is very much in the public eye. However I believe that many of us carry on being workaholics for very flimsy reasons indeed. Habit is one of the biggest.

How many people do you know that are self-confessed workaholics?

How many do you know that just are but don’t realise it?

What about you? How would you rate your workaholic tendencies?

Take this opportunity to be really honest with yourself as you read on.

The first question is:

How much time do you really spend at work and why?

If you look at the hours and think they are a lot then consider if being disorganised is a culprit, or being there to impress your boss and colleagues. Assess if you do take on more than you truly know you can handle in the time that should be available (personally I know this to be something I have to keep checking myself on. Being a ‘pleaser’ has a downside.)

Think about the hours – what we mean here is not just the hours you re ‘at the office’ but those times when you are ‘not working’ but have your laptop or I Phone on as you read the kids bedtime story? Your brain needs a rest; it needs to stop working, thinking, using energy.

If some of those reasons for the why don’t fit you but you know deep down you are a workaholic then reflect on what really is driving you to work? What are you hiding from and you think keeping working keeps you ‘safe’ What are you actually meaning to prove or achieve and for who?

What do you do to manage your energy?

If you don’t consciously monitor your energy levels at different times of the day, or week then maybe this is a good time to start noticing what is true for you. Energy slumps can be due to many things. Things you can try are adding variety to your routine. You could leave early at least one night per week, you could start later one day,  take a lunch break, even a consciously planned walk. Check  out your diet. Start identifying then dealing with people who demand big chunks of energy and time. There are many energy drainers out there!

Do an audit on how you are using your time. I think Franklin Covey’s time matrix tool is magical. I highly recommend learning how to use it. Check out this pdf. Note that in the middle of the slide show there is a link to do an audit on your personal way of managing your time.

How much importance are you treating your out of work time?

Protect, protect, protect. Switching off is really important for you to maintain a healthy brain, your relationships and your way of looking at the world.  Have a think about what you can do to really switch off and what might be the benefits of that for you as well as the people around you.

How often do you put treats in your life – both at work and at home?

What would be a treat for you? Here are some ideas if you are looking for some. Put some flowers on your desk, or a photo of you doing something you get a buzz from, light a candle in the bathroom, have some space where there is just you and some music you love, go for an invigorating walk with someone special. If you prefer something more active just for you then is it the gym? A swim or run? Is it dancing or a team sport or hobby that energises you?  Some people need to recharge their battery through more solitary activities, while others re energise by being with others – however you do it (we assume you do know yourself that well?) – plan it, do it.

If we had less workaholics think about how much more lightness, fun, engagement with community and caring and sharing there would be in our world. Sounds very attractive to me!

As I work 1:1 with my clients and I train lots of executives in coaching skills I hear a common story. They never believe they get enough feedback, especially the positive kind but often it is just specific feedback that is missing.

It might be about a job they are doing, a project they are involved in, it might be a reaction to not being noticed for something they did that they had gone the extra mile for. It might be about the difference they are making, or the contribution they have made. It might be about how they are looking. It might be an email they sent or a phone call they made that hasn’t been returned. It might be a series of phone calls or emails that remain unanswered.

I also know that you already know that feedback not only can give people a sense confidence, worthiness, acknowledgement, it gives a sense of direction. It helps people to choose effectively. It creates certainty. It helps people know where they stand without all that oh so damaging second guessing, those assumptions, the stories we run in our head with no evidence. And I mean often no evidence at all. Do you agree? Does that happen to you?

This silence is the worst possible kind of feedback. It creates uncertainty. Uncertainty is damaging. It is uncomfortable. It uses a lot of energy that keeps us from being productive. It causes us stress while we wait to find out what others think or will they respond to us.

Certainty has been attributed to be one of the 5 basic social needs for human beings.

Feedback allows us to get on. Even if it is not flattering mostly once we have feedback we can deal with it – either in a positive way or not. That is our choice – but at least you have the feedback.

Ok, I hear you say – but I don’t want to give negative feedback. Or – I don’t want to tell them I am not interested in buying. What is it about your unwillingness to be honest? I bet it is one of your core values. If you don’t like giving feedback then find a way of delivering it that keeps the emotion out of it and is useful for the receiver. It is your responsibility if you are a leader in any sense of the word.

I hear you say – but there is no point responding to the phone call or email as I have no information yet. Just responding to say you have nothing to report and that you will let them know when you do is feedback that relieves the uncertainty. How much effort is there in just keeping the other person in the loop? What would be the benefits for you both? I suggest it shows you as a role model in taking responsibility, that you will enhance relationships, and that the result could be you will give the other person some certainty and they will be more productive and happier as a result.

Here is a tip. Make a list of all the people you know that are overdue for some feedback from you. Notice how many and who are on that list.

So I urge you to speak up – at every opportunity. Be bold. Be yourself .See what difference it might make around you.

Have a look at this. It is quite a stunning example of reverse thinking. Take 3 minutes out to listen to this, and maybe take different action.

“But I have no choice I HAVE to do this” – as a coach, working especially with senior executives I often hear this – as they are under huge pressure from their work, family, and other things that are important to them – sadly this response is often the one used where it comes to their own personal life. They ‘have to ‘take that business trip on their 4 years olds birthday, they have to work late that night or this, they have to….well, you get the drift.

The fact is, we always all have choice – to change the things that we say we want to, some things might take time to change, especially if it’s rethinking your whole career or how you run your business. But with clarity about what really is important, we find ways to give ourselves choice. It might be long term for some things, but once we are in action on a significant and important change, we can gather a momentum which often makes the time go really quick. Human beings brains need choice to operate most efficiently and effectively, so when you are feeling like you have no choice, just think again.

Along the way to changing things, of course you still have choice on that journey. While there may be some situations that you have to still be involved with as you work towards a new way, the choice you still have is the choice in how you respond to each situation. we dont always have a choice in what happens, so often the conscious choice is simply our response.

Take away Tips
• Start to notice how you are choosing to respond. Are you often saying to yourself “but I have no choice”
• If you are in a situation that is stressful to you, step back for a minute and notice your thinking and reflect on how else you could think and respond to the situation that gives you a feeling of choice.
• Building this habit of ‘stepping back’ and getting in touch with how you are thinking and feeling, helps you build your emotional intelligence (EQ). Effective leaders have developed high EQ and self awareness about their responses and the impact they have.
• Start to make choices more often that are aligned with what you really, really want and value in your work and life.
• And finally, the hard one – do you know what you really, really want? And value?

Look for more tools to come to help you answer some of these questions. If you have a great tool and are willing to share it with all of us, we welcome your comments.

‘Latch on to the affirmative, eliminate the negative and don’t mess with Mr. In Between’.  We all know the words to many sayings promoting positivity.

But why is it good for us – and just how can we give those sayings real meaning? What can we actually do other than repeat the sayings? Have you noticed that doesn’t actually work that well?

Genuine, heartfelt positivity not just feels good; it alters our mind set permanently, it really can transform our future for the better. Building positivity will obviously decrease the amount of time we spend in negative emotions, and importantly, decrease the strength of those negative emotions. According to Barbara Frederickson positivity ‘opens’ us and makes us more receptive and creative.

Positivity builds good mental habits,social connections and physical health. It builds resilience and our ability to brush things aside. Getting absorbed in something we enjoy lifts our mood – a great reason to be working to our ‘strengths’.

You can discover what your strengths are on www.viacharacter.org Complete the VIA Signature Strengths test. Once done Gai or I can happily help you with what it all means and how you can leverage that information.

Creating ‘quiet’ times and space for reflection and thinking are keys to good mental health.

Quiet space allows the emotional centre of the brain to become quieter. It helps us give order to and unscramble the inefficient labour intensive pre frontal cortex part of the brain which holds all our current thinking. Overloading it often causes negative emotions. You know that it really does hurt your head to think sometimes. Making lists, mind maps or verbalising your thinking so freeing up the space, will help you be calm and experience other positive emotions.

Meditation is a great proven medicine for building positivity, especially for anyone who is frequently stressed.

What can you do differently? So you can feel more of joy, gratitude,hope, pride, serenity, inspiration and of course the big one love.

Watch out for more tools to build positivity and an exploration of otheremotions in the positive basket. Maybe you have one to share?

(I have inserted a video from The Singing Detective using our opening line. Enjoy)

Isn’t the English language great! Seemingly so many meanings to the same word. For confidence let’s focus on the 2nd part of the definition – boldness, assurance, beliefs in one’s own abilities.

There is nothing more sexy than this type confidence.

Self confidence is closely linked to self esteem and self efficacy. It is linked to competency. Competency is linked to something you have had lots of practice at.

We believe you can become more competent at being self confident. Here is a personal question. What do you exude to other people that says confidence? Is it that you do what you believe is right no matter what, or that you can not only admit your mistakes but learn from them, that you have a habit of stretching yourself to achieve more?. Is it that you accept compliments with grace? You probably trust your gut and act on it – a lot.

Have you ever known you are competent at something and still not felt confident? So what is going on?

We do get the speed wobbles. Here is a tip for when that happens. Tune into your body, feel the tensions, become aware if what they feel like, where they are, then consciously release them. Breathe out with the negative thoughts in your mind; breathe in thinking the positive ones. Uncurl, flex and stretch your fingers and toes.

You will possibly find that you have been focusing on the possibility of something going wrong, of failing, of disapproval. If this is something you have just put your hand up to then you can retrain your thinking to focus on the doing of the situation, the being in action, imagining the job completed successfully.

Take Away
Some great self confidence boosters:
• Write a list of the 10 best achievements in your life so far
• Be clear on what your personal strengths are.(check out the S words for strengths!)
• Set some goals plus a plan to achieve them which includes your accountability captain.
• Listen to you.
• Do things that feel good every day– rousing music, laughing, exercise, reading,sending some love –whatever it is for you.
• You already are clear that self confidence is related to positive thinking, passion, energy, enthusiasm, zest. How often do you experience those feelings in your life? Are you 100% clear about what brings them on? What have you done today to experience one of them?

Remember part of confidence is that if you believe in yourself, others will believe in you, if you do. Stop underestimating yourself and inspire and be inspired!

Check out this great tool you might enjoy.

When I talk about beliefs here, I am talking about your ‘operating beliefs’ – you know, a bit like the software that you have going deep down in your human being system.

And it is deep. We believe the world is a certain way based on our perceptions, experiences, or maybe somebody told us something once and we believed (e.g. you’ll never be any good at maths….art….whatever, you get the drift) – and common sense tells you that if you believe such things as (you’ll never be any good at maths) that is how you will approach the subject, with no confidence or expectation of ever ‘being any good at ( maths).’

This is not woo woo stuff. It is science. Our beliefs are basically hard wired in our brains, and we see and experience things through that filter. These beliefs about ourselves can be incredibly useful and empowering (e.g. “ I have all the skills and resources I need to achieve…”) or the opposite ( “I’m not suited to lead a large organisation because….”).

The first time I was challenged to articulate what I believed about myself, my ability, my home, my health, money,my future – my everything, it took a lot of time and space and reflection – in fact, it nearly turned my brain inside out.

So what do you believe about yourself and your life – and most importantly your possibilities for a brilliant life?
• Write down what you think you believe
• Decide how sure you are that it is true – 100% certain, all the time?
• Challenge yourself – how do you know it’s true?
• Decide how this belief is empowering you and allowing you to think and live a brilliant life.
• Notice those beliefs that either you are not so sure is true, or is not empowering for you and decide what else you could believe.
• Then behave in a way that a person would with those beliefs. Notice the different types of decisions you would make…..and the different outcomes possible for you.

Enjoy being inspired by your own brilliance! – and check out any one of our products that might just be appropriate just for you.